There are often moments when I feel profoundly alone, as if I am invisible and utterly unimportant. When I speak, it’s as though my words drift away unnoticed, and I long for acknowledgment, for someone to truly listen to what I have to say. Even in the presence of others, I sometimes feel an overwhelming solitude, a disconnection that leaves me aching for a sense of belonging. I don’t have close friends; I’m not a troublemaker, but still, I can’t find my place among anyone, and I can’t grasp why. What makes me so different?
I’ve felt like an outsider for nearly my entire life, a feeling deeply rooted in the abuse I suffered growing up. The cruel words—being told I would always be worthless—were imprinted on my psyche, leaving no escape from that bleak reality. As an adult, I continue to battle feelings of inadequacy; it seems that many would prefer not to engage with me at all. Some dismiss these feelings, claiming I’m simply imagining them, yet I don’t believe I am. Even my own children seldom reach out, their silence cutting deeper. I understand that life is a whirlwind—raising a family, work, everything pulls us in different directions—but it wouldn’t take much to spare five minutes just to check in: “Hi Mom, how are you?” But no, I find myself always having to step up and initiate that connection. It hurts to think that I might not mean much to them either.
Perhaps it’s my fate to walk through life this way. My husband is good to me when he’s home, but during his time at sea, I often find myself utterly alone, grappling with a loneliness so immense. I entered this sailor’s life knowing the challenges it would bring, yet my heart yearns for a true friend, someone who cares enough to reach out, to talk when I need a listening ear and to simply share moments together.
Will I ever mean as much to anyone as they mean to me? Most likely not, and while it might be time to accept that harsh reality, I find it agonizing. I have always yearned to be a part of something larger than myself!
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Your words are so powerful and painfully real. I’m sorry you’ve had to carry so much alone. You do matter, and your longing for connection is deeply human. I truly hope someone sees the light in you and holds space for it—you deserve that.
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Ya know when I wrote that, I was feeling such pain and it happens often. I’m married to the most wonderful man so this wasn’t about him. It was about all those around me. I’ve been through so much which makes me different and I think that people don’t really see who I am because it has made me different in how I think and act. It’s hard to explain what I even mean by that. Thank you for comment and I appreciate the comments you have made too. Thank you. 🙂
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Thank you for sharing that — I really hear you. It’s incredibly hard when you feel like people around you can’t quite see who you truly are, especially when you’ve been shaped by deep experiences that others might not understand. You’re not alone in feeling that way. I think it’s brave to express these things, even when they’re hard to explain. And I’m truly glad you have a supportive partner by your side. Sending greetings from the other side of the world – Latvia. 💛
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I appreciate your comments. What is is like living in Latvia? I actually don’t know a lot about your country. What do you love most about your country and what do you find the most special about it. What would you tell a visitor about it that they’d want to make sure to take the time to experience? Thank you for commenting.
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Thank you for asking! 😊 Living in Latvia can feel like living close to nature’s rhythm—we really get all four seasons here, each with its own beauty. I think what I love most is how connected people still are to traditions, forests, and the land. For example, we celebrate the summer solstice (Jāņi) with flower crowns, bonfires, and songs—it’s magical.
If someone were visiting, I’d definitely tell them to spend time in nature: walk through our forests, visit the seaside (especially the wild Kurzeme coast), and try some local food like grey peas with bacon or fresh rye bread. Oh, and don’t miss out on a proper Latvian sauna—it’s not just a bath, it’s a whole ritual! 😄
Thanks again for the kind conversation—it’s lovely to connect like this.
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