I’ve been really thinking about this question a lot. I even asked my “heart light” what he thinks I’m most afraid to do. He brought up something I hadn’t even considered before. I guess I’ll have to go back and write about what led me to where I am now.
So, in late October of 2023, the weather was just crazy; it was the worst wind I’d ever experienced. We were right in the middle of this wind event coming from the south. The wind was so strong that it can knock people off their feet. I’m not great with wind at all. It had been bad for a few days, so I just started sewing like a maniac to distract myself from the wind shaking the house.
After sewing for almost twelve hours, my eyes were hurting, so I figured I’d take a quick nap. I laid down and probably dozed off for about two hours when I was jolted awake by what sounded seriously like a bomb going off. No joke. It was like something exploded and hit the house!
I was groggy, struggling to figure out what just happened, and the dogs were going nuts too. I got up and headed to the foyer, thinking maybe the roof had blown off the front porch or something had smashed the glass in the front door. I swear I heard glass shatter. When I walked into the foyer to calm the dogs and see if the front door window was broken, I was confused to realize nothing was wrong. I looked outside and saw that the front porch was fine.
So I’m standing there in the foyer, super confused and still sleepy when I felt cold wind brush against my cheek. When I turned around to walk into the sewing room, I hadn’t noticed door was open until I stepped through. But when I stepped into the sewing room, there was this whirlwind going on inside, and suddenly I felt crunching under my bare feet. I looked down and realized I was standing on glass! Then it hit me—the window over my cutting table had shattered, and the wind was creating a mess inside my sewing room, blowing all the loose stuff into the air.
I was still standing there thinking I needed to check that I hadn’t cut my feet, while also trying to figure out how the window broke in the first place! So I carefully stepped out of the room and closed the door to keep the dogs from getting in, then I called my “Heart Light,” who happened to be in port at the time, to tell him what happened. When I told him, he asked me to repeat what I said because even he couldn’t believe it. He wanted to know if I had looked outside, and I told him not yet but that I was getting ready to check out what was going on outside to cause such chaos. Most houses here in Greenland are built to withstand high winds since that’s just how it is in the Arctic!
When I stepped off the front porch and walked around to the side of the house, I went from being confused to really angry all at once! Seriously angry! There, smashed into the side of our house, was a trampoline. It belonged to our neighbor. It still had two metal poles that used to hold the safety net on it. The wind had picked it up and slammed it into our house at a high velocity. One of the pipes went right through the window, and the other went through the siding of our house. When I called my “Heart Light” back, I told him what caused all of this, and I could tell he was thinking the same thing!
So now we’ll get back to where I am with all of this. It’s been over a year, and I haven’t been able to step into that room for more than ten minutes. Why, you ask? Well, the storm, the crash into the house, that loud noise—it all triggered my PTSD. Yep, I deal with PTSD and two anxiety disorders thanks to a history of abuse and a family member’s suicide. But I’m not diving into those details right now. What I can say is this: you can’t control what triggers you, especially when PTSD kicks in. We just have to ride it out and hope for the best. Some people have an easier time with flare-ups compared to others.
So, it has been tough for me to go into that room, and I keep wondering what it would take to get me back in there to clean up the glass and reorganize. We’re planning to rename it our craft room instead of just a sewing room. My “Heart Light” said he’ll go in with me and help get it sorted out. Whenever he sees me starting to freak out, he’ll take me out and we can come back the next day to keep working on it. We’ll take it in small steps. With him by my side, I think I might finally be able to overcome this and get back to the room where we both love to craft. I make quilts and I really enjoy sewing and creating things. He’s into those intense Lego kits! Usually, he’d be on one side of the table, and I’d be on the other side working while we listen to an audio book. That’s how we spend our time together crafting and keeping ourselves busy. It’s also how my “Heart Light” unwinds after being at sea for two months! This writing is basically my best attempt to answer that question.
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